Ten Do Nots of Business Networking

As people build their businesses, they realize that networking must be an integral part of their plan. Few people are "natural" networkers, and everyone can certainly benefit from reviewing a few of the most basic principles. What are these networking principles? The best way to begin is by looking at what we should NOT do when networking in a business environment.

The Ten "Do Nots"

1 - Don't Go to Every Event Networking events are all over the place. Being a good networker involves much more than just showing up at an event – you'll need to be well prepared if you really want to make the most of your time on site. What does this mean?

Being well prepared first of all means selecting the right event. Because there are so many events happening, your time is best spent at those events in your target industry. Choose your event judiciously. Be aware of the current trends in the industry. Knowing what people are talking about, interested in and the problems they may be dealing with will make your conversational contribution more valuable. Don't forget to rehearse your 30 second elevator speech. You'll use it many times at the event.

2 - Don't Go to an Event With a Friend If you do arrive with a friend, let him or her know that you won't be spending much time together after you walk in the door. You both should be attending the event so that you can meet new people, or to quickly say hello to old friends. Anything else is a waste of your networking time. Networking events are not good places to develop relationships. You merely want to quickly exchange a bit of background information in order to discover what commonalities you have. You will come back to these common areas of interest later when you truly are developing the relationship, but not at this event.

Why don't we want to spend too much time with one person, or get involved in heavy discussion? When other people see are talking with an intimate acquaintance, they will be reluctant to become a part of the conversation. It's hard for you too to enter a conversation between two good friends. And if you are discussing substantial matters, it's hard for other people to enter the conversation and contribute. A basic dynamic of conversations is that those with new people must follow a series of steps. The beginning steps involve very light topics.

If you do go with a friend, make a contest out of it – see how many name cards you can leave with. If you are attending an event with someone who needs to be escorted and introduced to others formally, you've come with the wrong person.

3 - Don't Eat, No Matter How Tasty the Food Looks Most events will serve hors d'oeuvres. You will probably want to hold a drink in one hand – this is standard and acceptable behavior. If you have a plate of food in the other, how will you hold the fork? Even if the venue has one of those drink holders, don't take the bait.

If you spill food on yourself or someone else, you will look and feel like a clown. Expect the worse to happen. If you want to respond to a comment when your mouth is full, you will look even worse. Expecting people to wait until you've finished munching is arrogant and puts people off.

Have something to eat 20 minutes before you walk in the door, and you'll be able to repress your feelings of hunger when you arrive. And don't forget to bring your breath mints along!

4 - Don't Brown-Nose Excessively Everyone likes to be complimented in private, even if you go overboard a bit. But publicly people will look down on those who flatter excessively. If you hadn't noticed, modesty is one of those socially dependent attributes. Of course there are the few who expect you to kiss up to them, but by and large people will try to distance themselves from those who are trying to ingratiate themselves. If you have the need or desire to praise a potential client, do it privately or risk being rejected.

Know what people's strong points are, and don't cross the line too far. Address these when flattering people. Remember that less is always safer than more.

5 - Don't Head Straight for the Boss CEOs have people chasing them all the time. Use a gradual method when approaching these people. You'll gain more respect if you "ease into" a conversation with the senior-most level of people.

Don't be afraid of these senior people either. You won't reach your target if you let yourself be intimidated by their positions. Just be aware that they will be more guarded than others who are actively looking to meet new people. Expect them to change their behavior when another senior level person approaches – don't let yourself be put off by this – it's probably best to excuse yourself and move on.

Don't head straight for the boss, but don't ignore the "little people" either. Lower level staff are often gatekeepers, and can be offended quite easily. Gatekeepers still must do their jobs, even if you feel that you and the CEO are old buddies. Remember, people have strange ways of helping out when you need them the most. And finally, don't forget that people at lower positions gradually move upwards and bring their friends with them.

6 - Don't Say Yes or No While your boss or colleagues will want you to get to the point, when someone asks you a question at a networking event, they aren't really looking for the most direct answer. People who've just met need to explore common areas of interest. Later on, they will use these areas to build relationships with you. The way we find these common areas is in responding broadly to light questions with a moderate amount of detail. We are trying to find an opportunity for another person to take the next step and ask more questions. The net effect is an exploration of each other.

Saying yes or no to a networking question prevents this exploration from taking place. Actually, the best networkers know that they should not even ask this type of question – networking is facilitated by asking open ended questions. Sometimes people forget this dynamic, so respond to others with ample opportunities for them to find commonalities. And try not to ask yes or no questions.

7 - Don't Tell People Your Job Title It's not intuitive to respond other than with your job title when someone asks "What do you do?" But responding this way has at least two downsides.

The first problem is that your new conversation partner already knows many people with the same title. And he or she also has a expectations of what that person is like. Do you want to risk being associated with those possibly negative stereotypes?

The other problem with job titles is that they simply don't provide the fuel that conversations with new people need. By sharing a description of what you do during the day, or how you bring benefit or reduce problems for your company, not only are you making yourself more interesting, you're providing your partner with lots of new ideas for conversational threads.

Try hard to not tell your job title unless it makes you look like you're hiding something.

8 – Don't Wait for the Introduction Even though most people will be dressed formally, networking is not a formal activity. Imagine that the people in the room are all your good friends, and you're gradually working your way around to saying hello to each. If you wait to be introduced to someone in the room, you may have another birthday in the meantime. Today's business climate rewards those who take initiative, especially when it comes to taking the initiative in meeting westerners.

People will look up to you if you approach them independently and begin a conversation or gently ease yourself into an existing conversation. Of course you will occasionally come across a stodgy person who feels that a proper introduction must take place before sentences can be uttered, but these people are rarely seen anymore.

Step outside of your comfort zone when it comes to networking. I'm one of those who believe that there is no such thing as a natural networker. I say this because the people that I know who look good at networking all tell me how difficult it is to be good. If it was natural, how could it be difficult?

9 – Don't Stay Too Long Don't take up too much of other people's time! Everyone has come to network, so don't monopolize people, no matter how interesting you both find each other. A networking event is simply a networking event. Don't try to create a new best friend in 20 minutes – you'll never be successful anyway.

It's easy to leave a group when there are three people: just tell the others "I see someone across the room I need to say hello to – please excuse me" and politely walk away. Even if you don't see anyone you recognize, it's still a true statement. Don't feel badly about leaving a conversation when you are one of only two people. You can use the same line above. If you are bored talking to one particular person, he may be just as bored as you are! Do yourselves both a favor and move on. You obviously weren't meant to be friends. Don't feel badly about this – in a worse case situation, you've just sent the message that he needs to develop more conversational material.

10 – Don't Be Too Casual You can be too formal, but you can also be too casual. Networking events look like casual events, but they really aren't. We may be talking to our next boss, client or our next subordinate.

If you talk too much about your personal life, your partner may feel that he needs to reciprocate, but he's probably not comfortable going to this level just yet. Sharing personal problems not only makes people think that you are "needy" but it leaves people with a bad first impression. Even if the problems clearly aren't your fault, people will only remember the negativity, not the details, and they'll associate it with you. This is true even if you complain about something as neutral as the traffic on the way over. There are many things you can talk about other than your personal situation.

What Should You Do? The list of things you should do is enormous. The best way to summarize "to dos" is to suggest the following: act as if you are the host of the event. Do whatever you can to make others feel at ease in a potentially stressful environment by being the social lubricant and they'll remember you well. Don't offer to hang their coat up, but take responsibility to see that people are greeted, entertained, made to feel welcome at the event and you'll get many invitations to return.